I've been in LA now for about 3 days, and I think the best way to do this is to break down the individual activities into chunks, so information is more reader friendly. I have been through quite an interesting ride in the last few days, for those of you who haven't read my facebook statuses or had the pleasure of my international rantings, I'll try and keep this as detailed as possible.
My first real day began on Thursday, with two of my most important meetings, 4 hours apart from each other. I'd booked a taxi to go to the first one, as I was too wiped and it was too late on Wednesday to hire a car. So, meeting was fine, didn't really expect much, and headed straight to the car hire place afterwards. Having spent about $50 on one meeting, I knew that taxis were not going to be viable option for the next 9 days. So into Avis I walked, and hired me a car. I was handed keys by Woody, the awesome Avis man 'just press it and one of the cars will talk to you'. Down to the lot I went, beeped my key, and into my big shiny red car I went. Except I went into the passenger seat. Oops. OK, drivers seat is on the other side. That was silly.
So I migrated to the drivers seat. There are two pedals. Which one is brake and which one is gas? I was in a parking space so if I go forward when trying to reverse, I'd hit the car in front of me. And we wouldn't want that would we. A guy was walking past and I asked him which one was which. He laughed at me with a slight concern in his voice. Everything was fine as I reversed out of my parking spot and drove up onto none other than Santa Monica Boulevard. For you non LA-ers, it's probably equivalent to the A40/Euston Road in London. But with 3 to 4 lanes at a time. "This is easy", I thought, "one pedal does everything? These Americans are so lazy.... they don't even use clutch!! What a piece of piss". I'd planned to drive down to Santa Monica, park, have some lunch. I had 2 1/2 hours left.
By this point, I'd been driving about 4 minutes and was very confident. Anyone who has been in a car with me (or has met me for 5 minutes) will know that patience is not one of my virtues. There was now bus in front of me. And it was stopping every 20 seconds. Grrr. Overtake. So I indicate. I check there are no cars behind me, and pull out. Everything is fine, I haven't hit any of the cars in the other lane, yay I'm doing so well....
BANG!!!!
Wtf?
OMG.
I think I've just hit the bus. I can't have just hit the bus. Just keep driving, nothing has happened, you won't have hit the bus. OK better pull over and check. Why are there wires hanging off the side of my car? Where is my right wing mirror? What the fuck just happened?
I've now just parked on a lane on Santa Monica Blvd, not really sure of what's just happened. I'd never been in any kind of collision in the 8 years I've been driving in England, so I had no idea what it's supposed to feel like.
Why is the bus not moving? Maybe it's picking up passengers still. OK. I just smashed my car into a bus. What the hell do I do? Do I keep driving it? Am I going to get arrested? Am I allowed to be parked here?? Why is the bus still not moving? It's taking a long time to pick people up. And why does it have its emergency lights on? Better get out and check.
So I RUN towards the bus. Can I just mention that I am looking a million dollars today, had been up since 7.30am preening for an 11am meeting. I was looking good. And in heels. Didn't think to pack flats, as I wouldn't have done much walking, for I have a car.
I run onto the bus. The Mexican bus driver is on the phone to the supervisor. People on the bus are shouting at him. "Why isn't the bus moving?!" "Drive, come on let's go!"
"Oh my god, I think I just hit your bus", I manage to spit out, whilst shaking.
"OK I need your details". I give him everything. Drivers license, insurance details, of which I had in my hand, fresh from the Avis printer located about 200m down the road. I'm very aware at this point that my car is just dumped on SM Blvd still, effectively I have closed a whole lane. So I went to drive my car a bit closer to the bus. When I say drive, I mean reverse down SM Blvd. By the time I get back to the bus, people are vacating the bus. And happy they are not. I tried to look inconspicuous, which is hard to do as most people on an LA bus is usually devoid of a few chromosomes. Now a roadside assistance vehicle was backing up to my car. Fuck I'm going to get towed. I run to them, explain that I have just hit the bus, that I'm British, and that we drive on the other side of the road.
"Don't worry ma'am, I just want to check you're OK". Wow. How nice.
"I'm fine thank you. I'm so sorry".
"Don't worry about it".
Now, a police car had drove up. Shit I'm going to get arrested for breaking a bus and unauthorised closure of a lane in SM Blvd. A felon on my first day. Lindsay Lohan, I kick your ass, I'm not even drunk. "I'll be right there, stay there" he said, before making a U turn and parking up. Police have guns here, I thought. Don't make any sudden movements to suggest you might run away. As much as your feet hurt right now, don't take your shoes off. You'll give him the wrong message and he'll bust a cap in your ass.
It turned out that said policeman was the nicest nicest guy ever. 'It happens," he said, "as long as you're OK, that's the most important thing".
"Are you sending me to jail?"
"No ma'am", he laughed.
I called Woody the Avis man.
"Woody. I've just drove into a bus".
"You mean the car that you just rented?"
"Yup".
"Oh well, what can I say, you're a woman, come back and we'll just have to get you another car." [I have never been more grateful for a sexist joke. Humour was the best medicine right now.]
Now the bus supervisor was on the scene, and I was in full blown apology mood. Saying sorry to everyone and explaining that I was British seemed to be the only way out of this horrific ordeal. The policeman took my statement, and there was a small crowd forming. Yes I want to be famous in Hollywood. Not for this.
After what seemed like forever, probably in real time was about 40 minutes, I was all sorted to go. The car was still drivable, and I was being given directions to get back to Avis. It was down the road, but rather than U turning on SM Blvd, I was advised to drive round the block. So I thanked (and apologised one last time for good luck) to all the great guys on the scene, and got into my beat up car to take it back. I drove around the block, but I turned right too soon, and I had to go back on myself to take the correct turn. This happened a few times, and I was so impressed with myself for managing to negotiate wrong turns. Ha. Stupid bus. What was I worried about. Finally, I turned a right, and saw the Avis sign shining at me like a beacon. YES! I'd found it. And I was going to go in and get a shiny new car and continue with my day and forget about that stupid bus....
BANG!!!!
Are you fucking kidding?!??!?!??! I'd driven into a parked car and smashed into the back of it, but somehow I was still going. By this point I'd lost the plot, dumped the car by the side of the road (with key in ignition, clever), and ran into Avis.
"Woody, I've just driven into another car!!"
Woody reminded me of Santa Clause, a big, bubbly guy with white hair and a big smile. His face dropped.
"You're kidding me right?"
"I wish I was".
"I don't think you should be driving any more little lady".
"Neither do I".
He came out to the road with me, as I pointed to the car I had just rear ended. A man was walking up to us, he was a shop owner, and I had hit his customers' car. The middle aged couple approached.
"Hi I'm Jean, what's your name?"
"I'm J****".
"Hi J****, this is John, J****, Jean, John, we should all get together".
Are you fricking kidding me? I've just smashed into your parked car and you're treating me like I'm your best friend? Is everyone just actually that nice in LA??
We all went into Avis. Insurance details were sorted. They left, wished me lots of luck and a great time in LA. I felt awful. But still I wanted another car. Denied, unsurprisingly. I asked how much a taxi would cost to my meeting, having only about $20 on me. The Avis guys offered to drive me to my meeting. I can't thank them enough. I waved Woody goodbye and apologised for coming into his office. But I guess if not him, it would have been some other poor soul, and he had a great heart. I'm sure he won't forget me in a hurry. The whole incident cost me $60. Probably cheaper than a return taxi to my meeting actually.
My first real day began on Thursday, with two of my most important meetings, 4 hours apart from each other. I'd booked a taxi to go to the first one, as I was too wiped and it was too late on Wednesday to hire a car. So, meeting was fine, didn't really expect much, and headed straight to the car hire place afterwards. Having spent about $50 on one meeting, I knew that taxis were not going to be viable option for the next 9 days. So into Avis I walked, and hired me a car. I was handed keys by Woody, the awesome Avis man 'just press it and one of the cars will talk to you'. Down to the lot I went, beeped my key, and into my big shiny red car I went. Except I went into the passenger seat. Oops. OK, drivers seat is on the other side. That was silly.
So I migrated to the drivers seat. There are two pedals. Which one is brake and which one is gas? I was in a parking space so if I go forward when trying to reverse, I'd hit the car in front of me. And we wouldn't want that would we. A guy was walking past and I asked him which one was which. He laughed at me with a slight concern in his voice. Everything was fine as I reversed out of my parking spot and drove up onto none other than Santa Monica Boulevard. For you non LA-ers, it's probably equivalent to the A40/Euston Road in London. But with 3 to 4 lanes at a time. "This is easy", I thought, "one pedal does everything? These Americans are so lazy.... they don't even use clutch!! What a piece of piss". I'd planned to drive down to Santa Monica, park, have some lunch. I had 2 1/2 hours left.
By this point, I'd been driving about 4 minutes and was very confident. Anyone who has been in a car with me (or has met me for 5 minutes) will know that patience is not one of my virtues. There was now bus in front of me. And it was stopping every 20 seconds. Grrr. Overtake. So I indicate. I check there are no cars behind me, and pull out. Everything is fine, I haven't hit any of the cars in the other lane, yay I'm doing so well....
BANG!!!!
Wtf?
OMG.
I think I've just hit the bus. I can't have just hit the bus. Just keep driving, nothing has happened, you won't have hit the bus. OK better pull over and check. Why are there wires hanging off the side of my car? Where is my right wing mirror? What the fuck just happened?
I've now just parked on a lane on Santa Monica Blvd, not really sure of what's just happened. I'd never been in any kind of collision in the 8 years I've been driving in England, so I had no idea what it's supposed to feel like.
Why is the bus not moving? Maybe it's picking up passengers still. OK. I just smashed my car into a bus. What the hell do I do? Do I keep driving it? Am I going to get arrested? Am I allowed to be parked here?? Why is the bus still not moving? It's taking a long time to pick people up. And why does it have its emergency lights on? Better get out and check.
So I RUN towards the bus. Can I just mention that I am looking a million dollars today, had been up since 7.30am preening for an 11am meeting. I was looking good. And in heels. Didn't think to pack flats, as I wouldn't have done much walking, for I have a car.
I run onto the bus. The Mexican bus driver is on the phone to the supervisor. People on the bus are shouting at him. "Why isn't the bus moving?!" "Drive, come on let's go!"
"Oh my god, I think I just hit your bus", I manage to spit out, whilst shaking.
"OK I need your details". I give him everything. Drivers license, insurance details, of which I had in my hand, fresh from the Avis printer located about 200m down the road. I'm very aware at this point that my car is just dumped on SM Blvd still, effectively I have closed a whole lane. So I went to drive my car a bit closer to the bus. When I say drive, I mean reverse down SM Blvd. By the time I get back to the bus, people are vacating the bus. And happy they are not. I tried to look inconspicuous, which is hard to do as most people on an LA bus is usually devoid of a few chromosomes. Now a roadside assistance vehicle was backing up to my car. Fuck I'm going to get towed. I run to them, explain that I have just hit the bus, that I'm British, and that we drive on the other side of the road.
"Don't worry ma'am, I just want to check you're OK". Wow. How nice.
"I'm fine thank you. I'm so sorry".
"Don't worry about it".
Now, a police car had drove up. Shit I'm going to get arrested for breaking a bus and unauthorised closure of a lane in SM Blvd. A felon on my first day. Lindsay Lohan, I kick your ass, I'm not even drunk. "I'll be right there, stay there" he said, before making a U turn and parking up. Police have guns here, I thought. Don't make any sudden movements to suggest you might run away. As much as your feet hurt right now, don't take your shoes off. You'll give him the wrong message and he'll bust a cap in your ass.
It turned out that said policeman was the nicest nicest guy ever. 'It happens," he said, "as long as you're OK, that's the most important thing".
"Are you sending me to jail?"
"No ma'am", he laughed.
I called Woody the Avis man.
"Woody. I've just drove into a bus".
"You mean the car that you just rented?"
"Yup".
"Oh well, what can I say, you're a woman, come back and we'll just have to get you another car." [I have never been more grateful for a sexist joke. Humour was the best medicine right now.]
Now the bus supervisor was on the scene, and I was in full blown apology mood. Saying sorry to everyone and explaining that I was British seemed to be the only way out of this horrific ordeal. The policeman took my statement, and there was a small crowd forming. Yes I want to be famous in Hollywood. Not for this.
After what seemed like forever, probably in real time was about 40 minutes, I was all sorted to go. The car was still drivable, and I was being given directions to get back to Avis. It was down the road, but rather than U turning on SM Blvd, I was advised to drive round the block. So I thanked (and apologised one last time for good luck) to all the great guys on the scene, and got into my beat up car to take it back. I drove around the block, but I turned right too soon, and I had to go back on myself to take the correct turn. This happened a few times, and I was so impressed with myself for managing to negotiate wrong turns. Ha. Stupid bus. What was I worried about. Finally, I turned a right, and saw the Avis sign shining at me like a beacon. YES! I'd found it. And I was going to go in and get a shiny new car and continue with my day and forget about that stupid bus....
BANG!!!!
Are you fucking kidding?!??!?!??! I'd driven into a parked car and smashed into the back of it, but somehow I was still going. By this point I'd lost the plot, dumped the car by the side of the road (with key in ignition, clever), and ran into Avis.
"Woody, I've just driven into another car!!"
Woody reminded me of Santa Clause, a big, bubbly guy with white hair and a big smile. His face dropped.
"You're kidding me right?"
"I wish I was".
"I don't think you should be driving any more little lady".
"Neither do I".
He came out to the road with me, as I pointed to the car I had just rear ended. A man was walking up to us, he was a shop owner, and I had hit his customers' car. The middle aged couple approached.
"Hi I'm Jean, what's your name?"
"I'm J****".
"Hi J****, this is John, J****, Jean, John, we should all get together".
Are you fricking kidding me? I've just smashed into your parked car and you're treating me like I'm your best friend? Is everyone just actually that nice in LA??
We all went into Avis. Insurance details were sorted. They left, wished me lots of luck and a great time in LA. I felt awful. But still I wanted another car. Denied, unsurprisingly. I asked how much a taxi would cost to my meeting, having only about $20 on me. The Avis guys offered to drive me to my meeting. I can't thank them enough. I waved Woody goodbye and apologised for coming into his office. But I guess if not him, it would have been some other poor soul, and he had a great heart. I'm sure he won't forget me in a hurry. The whole incident cost me $60. Probably cheaper than a return taxi to my meeting actually.