I'm having a spring clean of my computer and I came across some articles I'd written in the past on my adventures into this crazy world of acting. I can't remember exactly when I wrote them, but it was before Dec 2011 according to my hard drive. It was very interesting for me to read back on own accounts, as if it were someone else writing.
*Some names and projects have been changed to protect identities.
STARTING OFF
When I think about some of the projects I have done when I first started just to gain experience and get some work under my belt it really does make me think sometimes. The things you do as an actor just to get work and experience is a different kettle of fish to some other jobs, such as lawyer and doctors. The highs may be great, but the lows are pretty low. Student projects were the worst. Charlie The Dog* was by far the worst experience I have ever had working on a project and for so many different reasons. Work wise, the crew didn’t have a clue what they were doing or what they wanted. I should have seen the warning signs and known better when the director rang me after my audition and told me that they hadn’t cast me, only to tell me seconds later that they in fact had, and he was only joking. I mean, is that really funny?
One ‘fond’ memory I have was of one day, a weekend day, either a Saturday or Sunday. We had been scheduled to film all day, starting quite early, and we had a few extras in. I’m not sure how many were booked, but three showed up. Incidentally, I’ve always been quite fascinated by people who do free extras work. Seriously, what is the appeal? We started rehearsing the scene, which really involved the two other characters doing a slapstick sketch which turns into an argument. The actors playing the scene were talented actors, but as the day crept on, they got worse and worse, not only in their performance, but also in their moods. The whole reason for this was the director. He was such a megalomaniac that he directed them into useless pulps. Not only was he bad, but to top it off, he was taking advice from one of the free extras who was rather mature in age, and gave off the impression of being a failed wannabe hack of an actor, who fancied himself as a director. In the end of a very long day, we didn’t do any filming, and the day was put down to a rehearsal day. On top of the complete lack of competence in work structure, I was hit on every ten minutes by the director making sexual innuendos, sometimes just pure blantantness not even disguised as innuendos, when I mentioned this to his producer, the director was shocked and surprised and said he thought I could take it and he was only messing. I never got any of my expenses paid, we were hardly fed proper food, and despite the main reason for doing student films being to get material for showreel purposes, the film was never completed, and our expenses never paid. The other reason for doing this is to gain experience as an actor, and that certainly did.
I remember Robert*, the lead actor, having to throw himself on the ground as a reaction to a punch. He had to do this over and over again onto a hard theatre stage, with no cushioning or pads. It makes me sad at what actors have to put themselves through in order to just be able to do what it is they want to do. The sad thing is that there is no guarantee at the end of the line that there will be that pot of gold, whatever an actor’s pot is to them, whether it be to work alongside an actor they have always admired, to play a role they have always cherished, to thread the board of Broadway or the West End, that elusive gold man statuette, or even fame and fortune. If you are a doctor and you study medicine, the likelihood of you becoming a doctor is very high. If you are a lawyer and you take your bar exams, you are likely to find a job in that profession. If you are an actor, regardless of your training or motivation, you are never ever guaranteed a job in the market. And that is the sad thing – actors can struggle for a lifetime just hoping to get a bite of that cherry, and they could be waiting forever. And even if you have bitten it and tasted the sweet fruit, you are then on a quest to get your next bite. Sadly, the ‘bite’ is not as sweet as it may sound, to ‘bite’ something may be about covering your bills and paying your rent, rather than affording you that nice Docklands penthouse.
I remember having two projects on the go at one point in Summer 2007. Both were short films made by newly graduated film students and were unpaid work. But I was just on such a high. Coming back from the first day of the shoot of one project, knowing I had to go back the next day and that after that I had more filming on the other project made me the happiest girl in the world that weekend. I phoned my dad and was so happy and voiced my concern that this may be the biggest thing I ever do in my career, what if I am never this busy or get to work on such projects ever again? Rather than reassuring me onwards and upwards or words to that affect, he simply agreed with me and consented, "Yes, this could be it". I was shocked at my dad’s candidness and it bought me down to earth with a bump. I’m not sure if what he said was a good or bad thing – yes, he was honest and it has really taught me to appreciate stuff, but it is always good to keep the hope alive and always strive to better yourself and reach for the next rung. My old acting teacher always said that you have to keep moving. Like a shark. If a shark stops swimming it will die. In life, you are either moving forwards or backwards. There is no standing still.